A Heart’s Calling…
These few months have been quite a challenge for me, mentally, physically & emotionally. A significantly increase in workload which leads to overworking, coupled with a lot more problems at work such as unreliable colleagues, & backstabbers, you kinda start to wonder whether it’s all worth it? Even when I come back home at 10pm, I’m still working, even through weekends! It’s like my whole life is being worthlessly overwhelmed with work! Judging by what I am doing now, I consider myself severely underpaid. I may work like a horse, but I’m paid like a donkey. Moreover, engineering was never my heart’s calling in the first place. And when you put all of those into perspective, you kinda wonder what went wrong?
I had a talk with a friend of mine last week, and we ended up talking about what we were accomplishing in our lives, and about our interest. This friend of mind have been interesting in doing business for a long time, in fact, growing up in a business-oriented family, it has been a calling for him to follow the tradition. Eventually, all of his siblings followed their father’s footsteps and their heart’s calling, and ended up very successful. Each of them is earning 5 figures salary each month, and more importantly, they are satisfied with what they have achieved. They have a sense of fulfillment, being able to do the things that they like, and earning huge income along with it.
They are among the few out there who are lucky enough to make a career out of doing the things they like. But let’s face the fact, majority of us do not have that luxury of doing so, either due to circumstances or lack of opportunity. If it were up to me, as far as interest goes, I love to be performing on stage, either singing or being involved in stage plays.
I remembered when I was young I was terrified of the stage. In fact, for the few times that I was on stage storytelling when I was in primary school, I froze and ended up messing up the entire story. My fear of the stage prevented me from doing a lot of things for many years, until I was in Secondary 3. For the first time ever, my school was involved in a statewide English Drama competition and my English teacher at the time, Madam Marina Abu Bakar was charged to form a team. One day during class, she announced to our class and requested volunteers to join the team. All of a sudden, all the fingers were pointed at me. I have to be honest; my blood froze at that instance, but my teacher told me that she had confidence in me, and that she wanted me to write a script as well since she knew I was good at writing stories.
I thought her confidence was misplaced.
Anyway, lacking any escape route, I went ahead with it anyway. It took me a day to come out with a script, and it was my first ever play-write called “Life in the Streets”. It was a gloomy story about life in the back alley where drug addicts dwell, and street fights occur. In that play, I played the main villain role and had my first real taste of stage life. Though we didn’t make it to the finals, I was voted the best actor for my school. Since that day onward, I was hooked to the stage. It was where I felt most comfortable.
The following year, my teacher asked me to join the team again, and I didn’t even think twice. For the first time ever, I played a hero role, and was involved as a stage director. That year we made it to the finals, though we didn’t win, I was voted the best actor for my school for the second year running. I was really hooked by then. I was briefly involved with the now defunct Malacca Theatre Group, but because I had my Secondary Five exams coming, I had to cut my tenure with the group short.
By the time I was in university, I was determined to reignite my passion for the stage. However, to my disdain, my university, KUiTTHO, didn’t have any drama/ theatre group at the time. But I wasn’t to be discouraged, being elected as the pioneer Director of Rakan Seni Budaya in my first year, I formed my own drama team, and at the same time, I organized an inter-varsity theatre competition involving KUiTTHO, UM, UTM, UUM & UPM. Apart from organizing that event, I also wrote the script, involved in the acting in a minor role and co-directed the play.
My team won 3rd place, and I narrowly lost out on the best supporting actor’s award. For the record, it was my first comedic role ever. From that day onwards, I had made my mark in my varsity. By then, I was well known all over campus & well recognized by the varsity’s management. Whenever there were any stage plays that needed to be done throughout campus, I was sought after. My crowning moment was when I wrote, directed and acted a comedic play in front of the German ambassador in conjunction of my university’s Language Week. Seeing the German ambassador actually laugh at my jokes was the ultimate fulfillment.
However, with it being the ultimate high, it also marked the last time I was involved in any stage play. Ever since I graduated, I have not tasted the stage, apart from the occasional singing performances at weddings and functions. Months after graduation, I sought out the old Malacca Theatre Group, but was informed the group disbanded during the 5 years I was in university. I was thinking that, if the opportunity ever arises, I would love to be reacquainted with the stage once more, or even make a career out of it. But I guess that would be tremendously impossible in Malacca. The MTG was my only hope, and it ended up folded.
Being on stage gave me comfort and happiness. It gave me fulfillment that was beyond my wildest dream. I had wanted to organize a musical play during my last days in university, but the lack of time prevented it to be realized.
Sometimes, it gets me to thinking. If I had made the stage as my career instead of engineering, would I be happy now? Maybe one day, my opportunity will come. But until then, I have to be contempt with the present.
Having said all of that, I am reminded of my friend’s quote: a wise man once said, a man will not die in peace if he or she couldn’t fulfill his or her dreams. That is truly a point to ponder…
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